The emotional changes that take place around the menopause can feel earth-shattering and even terrifying for many women - particularly if you're used to being very much in control of your life. The changes are happening within you and not from some external force or pressure. These change; complete with the thoughts and feelings that come from them are normal. Your whole identity is changing from the inside-out; it may help to remember that you have done this before and survived (at puberty and perhaps childbirth). Alongside the changes in your hormones, you may also have life-stage changes; such as caring for parents and the general sense of ageing to cope with as well. This can lead to many unfamiliar thoughts and feelings, some of which may be considered as a 'pro' for the menopause while others are seen as a definite 'con'. The most common 'pros and cons' are listed below:
The 'Pros'
Relief - no period pains or need for tampons etc, the end of monthly hormonal swings and no contraception worries.
Freedom - you have more time, as children are less dependent, giving you the ability to do what you want to and spend more time with your partner.
Wisdom - gained from the experiences of life, you are growing into your power as a woman in your own right and have evolved into knowing your own truth.
Self-confidence - in your relationships, with your finances and in the work-place. You are able to stand up for what you believe in, not worrying what others think, what you do or how you look.
Clarity of vision - who you are, what's important to you - as you - not as a mother, partner or care giver. This can often be a time to re-evaluate your relationships.
Excitement - looking towards a different future, living your life for your own goals - what you want to do with the rest of your life.
The 'Cons'
Sadness & grief - particularly if have wanted and not had children. From divorce, the death of parents or spouse, missing children that have left home, being let go from a job, changes in physical appearance, sex appeal and femininity.
Anger - losing power or status, being let down on a commitment or a promise, being undermined or insulted, being threatened physically or emotionally, not obtaining something you feel is legitimately yours.
Vulnerability - being lonely, feeling isolated, finding it hard to cope with the changes taking place, not being able to say 'no' to requests from others.
Fear - of being rejected as you age, feeling invisible in our 'youthful' culture. Who will need me now, who will love me, have I got enough money to live on, will I still be respected?
Uncertainty & confusion - what role do I play now, who am I and what do I stand for, how should I appear?
All these (and many more) are perfectly normal feelings to have around the menopause. Try to see these feelings and emotions as your inner guidance system. If you can, try to welcome them into your life, as they are there to show you the way to live the rest of your life in a happy, healthy and fulfilling way.
If you would like to know more about feelings, emotions and the menopause you might like the book Reflections of the Moon on Water. This book covers all women's health using traditional Chinese Medicine. It has a very enlightening final section on the menopause and how the Chinese approach this time in a woman's life - they call it the 'Second Spring'!
If you would like a more western approach then the book The Wisdom of Menopause is excellent. Even though at first it may appear rather large, you can 'dip in and out' and read up on the chapters that appeal.