Forum | | Menopause Support


What happens next
What happens if she has a break from the HRT? 0
How can I get help for her when no one listens to what im saying. 0
will different HRT pills affect her differently? 0
Am I clutching at straws to get my wife back? 0
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I need help for my wife Please
Posted: 02 March 2013 12:31 PM

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Total Posts:  1
Joined  2013-03-02

Hello, can anyone relate or help with this situation; I’m in desperate need of help for my wife.

My wife has been going through the menopause for almost 4 years. The first 2 ВЅ  she put up with it as she was against HRT. She suffered hot flushes every half hour most eves, periods that were all over the place, on for 4 days off for 1 on for 8 days off for 4 etc. eventually she tried HRT and it cured this within 2-3 months, it was a saviour.
The only thing it didn’t help was our love life, she was very dry and said it felt very uncomfortable and sore even with lubricants it was still painful, we would try every 4-5 weeks but it was often a failure, it did improve a little about a year later. But I thought this is for better or worse, and this is a worse bit, she’s in a dark tunnel, we have no idea how long it is but I’m with her, I love her very much and we’ll get through this together.

Please bare with me on this bit, I need to set the scene.

We have been together 18yrs, married for 16, and have known each other since we were teenagers. We both have two Daughters; hers lived with us from 8 &10yrs; old I have brought them up as my own, and love them very much. They both left home 4-5 years ago. They have both been settled with boyfriends for about 12-18 months now. I would say we’ve been very happy we’ve travelled the world the last 8 years having 2-3 holls per year up to my redundancy, but managed a nice holiday each year since. I can count on one hand how many arguments we’ve had in 18 yrs.

About 3 years ago I was made redundant, but it paid our mortgage off, and 4 months later I started my own business. My wife joined a gym went on a diet lost over 3 stone, took up walking, which I’m not that keen on, but I tried, she started visiting friends in Bath for weekends, she climbed Ben Nevis last year and seemed quite happy with her lot.

We went on holiday last Nov, 2 weeks in Cuba, went out New years eve, went out with friends on Sat 13th Jan, Sunday 14th she said she was chilly so she came and sat with me and we held hands on the settee watching tv. On Monday 15th Jan 2013, I went with her to the doctors for her HRT prescription, the Doc said because she’s almost 54 she was thinking of giving her a break. My wife’s reaction shocked me, she snapped, “I’m not coming off it”and we came home, At home I asked my wife about it, she said “I’m not coming off it, if she wont give me it, ill find another doctor who will”. This didn’t sound like my wife; in fact ive sensed something different for the last 6 months, more than the way the menopause has affected her.

Then she dropped the bombshell, she said “for the last 4 years ive been feeling less and less towards you, I don’t love you anymore and I’m leaving. When I asked her about this, she said “I just want to go up a mountain and be left alone, I don’t want any one around me. Now several people our age that we know or know of have contacted or died of cancer in the last year, my wife said “ life short and I don’t feel like ive done anything with my life and times running out.

5 days later he moved in with our youngest, saying, I should move on with my life, she won’t be coming back. I can stay in the house for as long as I want as its where my workshop is and where my business is. Before she left, she filled the cupboards and the fridge, and did all my washing and ironing for me. She says she still cares but doesn’t love me, there’s not even a little bit to build on.

He ex husband cheated on her, so she is very much against that kind of thing, I don’t think for a moment theres any one else involved, she’s not interested in anything but being alone. She must have been fighting with her emotions for some time now and it must have taken a lot of courage to do what she’s done. She’s the most caring loyal wonderful beautiful person I know, but I hardly recognise her lately. And I feel frustrated that she didn’t tell me sooner so I could have a chance to try to change things. It feels like everything I care about has been suddenly, without warning taken from me, its almost like a bereavement. She said she wanted us to remain friends and will still go to family dos together and see each other from time to time, but every time I suggest something she turns me down. Its my birthday on Monday and the girls are taking me out for tea, I asked her to come along but she refused saying shed feel uncomfortable, but how would she be uncomfortable with me and her two daughters, if she has no feelings toward me.

My Problem

I think this is a mid life crisis on top of the menopause, her hormones must be way out of kilter, but I don’t know enough about this subject, do different HRT pills affect you in a different way? How long can the menopause go on for? What happens if she has a break from the HRT? she says she’s not depressed despite the being alone up a mountain statement. She seems happier now she’s done this. Everyone else says she’s ok and I should move on, but they’ve not seen her every day the last few years, they are just listening to what she’s saying now. I don’t want to give up on her, I cant, has any one else experienced this and have you any idea what can I do to help her?????